TAP WATER

I was minding my own business

When two men came my way

The big one was a traveling man

The other a gourmet

They sat down at my table

And laid these thoughts on me

Don't eat Rosie's hamburgers

And don't drink nothing free

Tap water tastes bad

And irritates the skin

You wouldn't drink that water, my son

If you knew where it had been

The traveler talked about New York

The last town he'd been through

Where dawn comes up like thunder

But never gets to you

And into your bedroom window

New Jersey softly steals

Eternity is a stairway

And life is a banana peel

Tap water, store food

Can lay you out stone dead

You wouldn't eat that chicken, my son

If you know what she'd been fed

The gourmet said, as he swallowed a snail

In Rosie's hotel bar

I'm afraid that evolution

Has gone a bit too far

I believe we'd all have been better off

With big long monkey tails

Monkeys don't get no pornographic

Pictures in the mail

Tap water, knock wood

Bang on your cardboard walls

Lock yourself in your shower, my son

Scream til your city falls

Copyright 1973 Aram Schefrin and Michael Zager